just getting my thoughts out

for some reason, writing songs makes it a lot easier

separation from my best friend makes me worry second guessing, second rating all the stress i swear i can hear my teeth grating, i just dont know how to act to the person i thought understood me best. but my best guess is that he's envious turning jealous with the rest that his fear is i'll overstrip him once it comes to a test but that's not my intent he's the one who discovered my talents, but i've lost any sense of ways that we can relate it went from making me wait cuz he was late to not responding, nothing at all emotions reached free fall level but in a way i understand the origins of the wedge and why it got so far outta hand cuz when we first sat on that bench we were broken souls but now im fixing, filling the wholes and im whole again and he's STILL broken so when he sees me we just cant understand im in recovery he's barley past relapse but it's hardly a surprise just look at his past. to the point i doubt that if i was put in his shoes for any amount of time i'd do half as well cuz he lives in hell, "support" his life could not even spell. but what miffs and mixes me up is why he's decided im not worth it or is it just a bad day? am i just paranoid? or am i on to something? either way i HAVE copied many things he's done sometimes im unoriginal and far from number one but when we said that we were brothers, among them im the young, so i do look up to you, it's true, wanna sue? but if you dont like it, and i guess you dont seeing the whole way you've taken to treating me like im just annoying, guess i am but ever since i got back we've been on different tracks maybe it was inevitable but i want back but it's still a fact that he change so fast i cant predict maybe im sick of this shit. im tired of best friends who cant make up their mind if they adore me or not, it changes every time, like this week im cool but tomorrow i can rot. im really not feeling friends who cant help be hypocrites, like when they do something, fine but if i mess up or try then it's gonna get them pissed? but what the fuck can i do i care about them too much to speak my mind nasty thoughts in line but out of luck cuz i just dont have the time to argue with the people with whom i care most but maybe thats why they dont give any thought to if my mind is in pain or in coast mode because i never say the things that load me down or put my head on edge.

meh.