Wasted Day?

i leave for camp in what, 5 days? maybe 4. that's all the time i have in contact with my freinds and family for an entire month.

what did i do today? i pretty much sat around doing nothing. playing with my music creation program, but every time i was almost done with a song i would just delete the entire thing and start over. i also wasn't having the slightest bit of creativity. every single one was entireley sampler based, no real composing of my own involved.

also, i haven't eaten enough today. i had a banana and a small bowl of cheerios for breakfast. that's all I've eaten today. yet despite the fact that im in my kitchen as i type, i dont feel like eating anything,even though my stomach hurts.

tonight, im going to a sleepover. I'm going to see the person that is half my best friend for the first time in weeks. i've been holding in a lot of anger at the other half of him all for tonight. i didn't want to make it awkward, but i honestly dont know how i'll react spending a whole night aroud him. last time i made a plan with this person, they blew me off saying they didn't want to do anything that day, and then i found him on my way home from what i had been doing. upon seeing me, he ran away. i have a few choice words i dont want to say as to the cowardice of that action.

i'll talk about why me and him are mad at each other in some later post...

additionally, i dont know how he will react. where i've been carefully hiding my seething anger at his decisions, he has made no secret of his contempt.... or at least it feels that way. he's going to be a lot more impulsive as the night goes on, and it's going to be hard to stay the bigger man if he actively tries to provoke me. :( overall, he's not reliable for sticking to social plans, and i honestly hope he doesn't go tonight.

overall, i feel like I've wasted my day. i haven't produced anything, i didn't get anything packed for camp, i haven't gotten ready for the sleepover, i just... wasted it...

now im going to go eat something, my hands are shaking.